Addiction.

Theres all types.  I know Im not at all immune to it, matter of fact, Im pretty sure i have ocd, which in a way is an addiction to being addicted.  Im addicted to cleaning.... and not only cleaning but cleaning a certain way.  im addicted to music, to certain tv shows, to laughing, starbucks, you name it, i can convince myself that i NEED it.  I can be in a total HOME mood, but if i get into addiction mood, and think about chocolate peanutbutter cup cookies (omg theyre so flippin good) log enough, you better believe i will get out of bed if its MIDNIGHT and spend even my last 2.39$ in pennies to buy them at the local 24 hour walgreens if i have to just to get that "fix"  HOWEVER... I will say this.... ive found the secret to addiction...  its actually no secret at all, it just makes me feel smart ssayin that, but yah ive "found" the secret.  make it work FOR you instead of against you.  I used cleaning and music as example, those arent really harmful addictions, but how bout eating.... oh yah, big time... so i turned my addiction to eating into an addiciton to paying attention to and keeping track of what i ate (counting calories) its hard to over do it when youre forcing yourself to be accountable for it.  it worked, i lost 90 lbs.  check it out....
this is me july 4th 2008(with my baby sister and my son jr)...sadly its the only "fat" pic i can find cause i avoided cameras... but i stayed that way til july 09  i was roughly 247 lbs.... whoa momma right??  I was having issues with my health related to my brain that were effecting everything from the ability to move my neck to vision.  I literally couldnt drive cause i was legally blind or turn my head side to side... it sucked.  not to mention i had horrendous week or even month long headaches that would literally confine me to my bed.  i ended up having 2 surgeries on my brain to put in stents and then being put on 2 medications one to thin my blood and the other to prevent migraines, and voila i was better BUT i was quickly awakened to the fact that as young as i was i wasnt at all invinsible...plus the simple ego shot i took when looking at my "my chart" online and seeing that i was "diagnosed" as OBESE.  lord have mercy .  that was all it took i wa so embarrassed that people saw that in my chart everytime i went to the doctor, as shallow as it was, i mean clearly i wasnt small, but that word seemed so vulgar to me, i was so much more that "obese", im a fun gal!!  dont label me!!  so i changed my addiction... and the pounds started DROPPING.  i started trying july 17th 09 and by july 30th 2010 i was pregnant with avarie so i had lost the 90 pounds already in a year.... heres a good picture.... i dont have man full body shots that i can find my computer crashed....

this was in November 09

this was in january 2010

and this was end of august 2010 while pregnant with ava.

so here i am now.....


and i have about 40 lbs to get to my goal.  i cant wait... i havent checked my weight since ive gottten back on the wagon, and i dont have plans to until i go to the doctor, i trust their scale...  its really hard to avoid getting on every day though, i mean who doesnt want a little pat on the back...(but i guess its a good thing im not cause if i saw the number not change i might fall right back off the wagon and into those cookies i was writing so fondly of a moment ago)  so yah.... my new addictions are watching what i eat, drinking a ton of water, getting back into photography, and now, a nap :o) catch ya later blogger :o)